Even the most attuned couple might have problems, when there are emotions added to communication. In the heat of an argument our brain pitches words that we don’t want to say. Verbal wounds heal for a very long time and leave permanent scars in a relationship. There is a saying that when emotions are aroused, intelligence sinks.
When your partner says something that you don’t like, you can easily bite back saying something awful to defend yourself. It’s easy to take defense too far, when the words of your partner feel like an attack. Find out which words hurt in such a situation, and should be avoided.
1. You should
When you use that statement your partner will feel like you’re a better person than they are. “You should change your job”, “You should tell your boss, that they’re wrong”. This word imposes authority to your point of view. Instead of the word “should” try: “I would like you to think about changing your job.”
When your sentences begin with a reproachful “you”, then trouble begins. “You never listen to me”, “You only take care of yourself.” This brief word changes a lot, and carries a large dose of accusation. Whatever you say after this expression of anger will be a confutation. Instead try: “When you act like that, I feel like you’re not listening to me.”